


Only you can save us

by Cadoan



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Episode Tag, Established Relationship, Feelings, Kissing, M/M, Matelotage, S03E03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 06:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5956864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadoan/pseuds/Cadoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So I suggest you get the situation under control before that happens." Billy heard the waver and emotion his own voice, and yes, he was scared. He was scared of what he might do and he was scared of what might happen to them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only you can save us

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started shipping these in season 3 and this episode gave me so many feelings that I had to write something based on it. This is also my first fanfic in the fandom and seeing how extremly few fics there are in here, I am more than happy to contribute.
> 
> I use the word matelot in this fic. I was reading about the fantastically homosexual lifestyle that was pirate life and came across the word matelotage, which is the marriagelike union pirates would join into. When you did that with another pirate, that pirate became your matelot, and my headcanon for these two is that they have entered matelotage because they care for and love eachother so much. Yes.

Billy watched John's back as the man walked out of the captain's quarters, his heart aching just as much, if not even more, than his whole body did. A dull, thumping headache had been gnawing at the back of his skull for days now.

"We'll need to keep a close eye on him." Billy's eyes went wide eyed as the captain spoke. "As dehydration sets in we will all be subject to its effects. Loss of reason, anger, eventually halluzinations..." the man continued as he wrote that blasted list of names of men who were not going to recieve any rations. Billy didn't agree with the rationing of the food, but it wasn't his place to protest. It was John's place. Billy felt anger bubble up inside at the suggestion that John was losing it.

"He is isn't losing his mind." Billy spent nearly every waking our with the man. He slept in the same bunk as the man. He loved the man and he had chosen him as his matelot, and he _knew_ when the man wasn't at his full wits.

Billy moved and put his hands on the captain's desk, leaning towards Flint. "He's been concerned about this for some time. About you."

"He thinks I have lost my reason." Flint said it calmly, matter-of-factly. Billy thought back to all the hushed conversation him and John had had, pressed close together in their bunk. "That the events in Charlestown and everything since is driving me mad."

It was weird to have John's words mirrored back to him like that when Billy was absolutely sure that he was the only one John had spoken to about it.

"Is it?"

When he didn't get an immediate answer, he walked out.

/

As soon as Billy heard, he felt even more helpless about the whole situation. He found his matelot below decks, gutting the few poor eels that had been caught in the trap they had hung off the side of the ship. He stood in the door opening watching John for a while, not really knowing how to approach the subject. The lack of water was making him weaker by the day, and the headache wasn't going away. Eventually, he spoke, voice soft, trying to sound and non-confrontative as possible.

"Heard you refused your water ration yesterday." He looked at the eel John was sqeezing before looking down onto the floor. "I wish you wouldn't do that." He looked up at John, who didn't even look away from the creature in his hand.

"Flint's only granting me the ration as a 'fuck you' to prove that power is in his hands. I won't give him the satisfaction. I won't give him the satisfaction-

"It doesn't matter-"

"-and I don't like how it looks. Me, having a full ration, while they waste away. I couldn't ask anyone to trust me."

"It. Doesn't. Matter. Those men, all of them, even the ones that doubt, they trust you to be able to stand up the captain when the time comes. And you can't do that if he's got his strength and you don't." Billy knew it was a low thing to say, to use the crew's wellbeing against John like that, but it was also the truth. John was the only one who could look out for them.

"That's been the problem all along. The thing that they never understood and the thing I think you never understood... you cannot decide to follow a man like that and then pick and chose when you deny him." He sounded defeated, but didn't stop his intensively gutting of fish.

This time, Billy wasn't able to sound non-confrontative anymore.

"It's your job to deny him." Billy moved to sit down next to John, suddenly needing to be closer to the other man. He felt more comfortable if he was closer to John, if he could could physically feel and smell him.

"If I challenged him directly, he and I would be at such extreme odds in front of the men it would be the end of this crew one way or another." He turned his upped body to throw some guts in the bucket behind him, and in doing so, looked at Billy for the first time during this whole conversation. Billy could see the exhaustion in John's eyes, and the frustration. The man's face was tired and he looked several years older, the lack of water causing him to look overall very sick and tired. All Billy wanted to do was to put his hands on John's cheeks and kiss him and tell him that everything would be fine, even if they both knew that there was a very slim chance for that right now, but before he had a chance to do that, John got up and walked across the small space they were currently occupying. John spoke as he walked.

"I just can't allow that to happen. So, once again, he is able to conjure the reality he desires, just as it was in Charlestown-" The man reached for a knife on a shelf close to him, turning around to point at Billy with it to make his point. "-and just like it was in that storm."

Billy furrowed his eyebrows, worried and confused. What was John ranting about? He really needed to drink some water, eat some. Billy would hold him down and force feed him if he needed to. John continued talking.

"There's no point in denying a man with that kind of power."

"What are you talking about? You saying Flint conjured that storm?" He stood up, looking at the back of John's head.

"He conjured us into it! Who's more powerful? The one who made the storm or the one who convinced us into battle to defeat it?" They looked at eachother, eyes meeting. They stood silent for a few seconds, and the angry desperation he saw in John's eyes was something he had never seen in the man before. He wasn't entirely sure how to approach it. John broke eye contact and turned back to his fish.

"A man of his capacity, his state of mind -becomes- reality. Makes us subject to it." John continued rambling, almost to himself, as Billy moved to stand so he could look at the man. He put his hands on the table and leaned closer. This had to end. John couldn't go crazy on them. The crew wouldn't be able to take it. _Billy_ wouldn't be able to take it. He stared intensively at the side of John's face, his voice nothing but a command as he spoke.

"Take. Your. Rations. I mean it."

John shook his head, staring into empty space in front of him. "I'm clearheaded, Billy. I see him."

Billy listened with a heavy heart when John continued his ravings about Flint. He didn't know how to get through to John, and the constant headache was just making everything worse. Then, there was running straight above them.

/

Billy just watched the two men accused of stealing in silence, hovering just to the right and slightly behind John as he talked to the men. The crew was long since used to the two of them as two parts of a whole. Billy knew what kind of support John needed, and Billy also knew the kind of respect people had for him because of his size alone.

He recoiled backwards when he heard the shot go off. Flint had shot one of the men.

"Captain..?"

Flint ignored him completely and walked over to the other man, slowly and deliberately refilling hos weapon woth gunpower. Billy realized what was going on and turned to John, who was looking at the scene in shock.

"You need to say something," he hissed. John stood unmoving, watching, and Billy had to beat down the urge to tackle Flint to the ground to stop him from shooting. Everything about this was wrong. Flint turned around and spoke to John after he shot the second man, his voice low so that only Billy and John could hear it.

"If you don't have the strength to do what needs to be done, I'll do it for you."

Billy saw the way John clenched his jaw and he knew what it meant. John was also doing his utmost to control himself.

/

The nights were easier to get through. Without the sun beating down mercilessly from above, it was easier to think. Easier to make rational decisions. Billy found John on deck, looking out over the still ocean. He walked over and stood next to him.

"Maybe you were right." John looked at him, and the anger and frustration was no longer there. This was the John he knew, loved and cared for. "Maybe he is dangerous to us in this state. Maybe there's nothing we can do to stop him right now without shattering the crew." Billy looked out onto the dark ocean. "But if he kills another innocent man on tvis crew... _to_ _make a point..._ Or tries to... " He swallowed down rage. "I'm gonna do something about it."

John looked at him, looking as if he didn't know if he'd just heard what he'd heard.

"So I suggest you get the situation under control before that happens." He heard the waver and emotion his own voice, and yes, he was scared. He was scared of what he might do and he was scared of what might happen to them. Billy turned around and walked back to where he approached from before John got a chance to respond. John immediately followed him, his voice pleading and emotional.

"I told you- I just oversee-" Billy knew he was scared. They both were. They both knew what would happen to Billy if he did that, and it was a reality neither of them could face.

John had walked to stand on the first step of the stairs go the helm of the ship, so they were now equally tall.

"The Guthries figured it out. The Barlow woman figured it out. He listened to them. Altered his plans when they told him to. It's possible. The difference is, he saw them as his equal. He respected them that way, so he was... willing to listen." Billy tried to keep his voice in check, his emotions in check, but he failed. "You need to do the same."

John looked at him with big eyes filled with emotion, shaking his head slightly. "Both of those people ended up dead." His voice was thick and raw, as if he was holding back tears. They looked at eachother in silence with sad eyes before Billy continued walking, leaving John behind.

Billy spent the night alone in their shared bunk, and he didn't manage to sleep at all.

/

When John and Flint got back with a goddamn _shark_ , Billy couldn't take his eyes off John. The man was completely exhausted, but he was also smiling and almost a bit giddy.

After Billy went and got himself another piece of sharkmeat, he headed back to the spot he had previously occupied: the bottom step of the stairs John was resting against. Billy sat as close to the other man has he could, craving physical contact. He didn't like to fight with his matelot, and they rarely did fight, but this whole experience had been emotionally straining for both of them. Billy wanted to get John alone somewhere and hold him close for a really, really, _really_ long time.

"What happened out there?"

John was silent for a while before he answered. When he did, he sounded tired, but satisfied.

"Progress."

"How can you know for sure?"

"Because I am still alive, I suppose."

Billy didn't push it further. It was a conversation for another day. He looked up towards the sky and saw a piece of cloth waving in the wind.

Wait.

 _Wind_. The wind was back.

/

The wind did indeed come back. When night time hit, they had managed to sail almost as far as they had drifted those three weeks without wind. Most men were completely exhausted, knocked out because of the working the rigging and the sails, and Billy's whole body screamed for sleep as he headed towards his destination. The ship was quiet below decks and he met no one on his way.

John was waiting for him in the small kitchen. As soon as Billy entered, John stood. They looked at each other for a few seconds before they moved, both at the same time. Since the room was so small, it only took them half a second to collide into each other. The collision was almost a bit violent, but neither men cared. They held eachother tight, as tight as physically possible, not daring to let go. They stood there just holding eachother for a long time before either men spoke.

"I've missed you," John choked out against his chest, tightening his arms around Billy's middle. Billy pressed his face into the top of John's hair. He inhaled deeply, smelling the man. Sweat, a hint of fish, but mostly just John. It made him feel... safe, for the lack of a better word. It might sound silly to say that you've missed someone you see every day, but Billy knew exactly what John meant.

"I've missed you too."

John tilted his head upwards at that, their faces now just an inch apart, breathing eachother's air. Billy closed that last gap between them and pressed his lips against John's chapped ones, tongues darting out to meet almost instantly. Billy groaned and deepened he kiss, exploring the hot cavern of John's mouth. John moaned as well, the tongue filling his mouth sending carnal urges rushing through him. Then, Billy's hand was up behind his head, untying the piece of leather strap he used to collect his hair. The strap came out and he felt his hair come loose. Billy immediately entangled his hand in the shorter man's dark locks as they continued kissing. Eventually, when the first desperate need for physical contact had been at least temporarily satisfied, they broke the kiss. They didn't, however, break the embrace. Billy moved his head slightly backwards so he could look properly at the man in his arms. He slowly lifted his other hand to join the first one where it was embedded in John's long curls. He started to slowly comb his fingers through the mass of black hair, carefully undoing knots where he encountered them. John gave a humming noise and his eyes slid close. Billy's heart swelled when he looked at John's face up close and personal like this for the first time in what felt like weeks. The man looked better now that he had gotten some food and water in him, but he still looked exhausted. The bags under his eyes were heavy and deep lines of worry were settling into his face. Billy kept slowly combing his hands through John's hair, now being free of the worst knots.

"You saved us all today."

John hummed again as answer and tilted his head forwards, resting his forehead against Billy's chest.

"Not just because you brought us food, but because you stood up to him. You saved the crew from being torn apart by him. You saved our lives." Billy's voice wavered. "You saved _me_."

John looked up at that, his eyes emotional. He didn't say anything, and neither did Billy. They both knew how close they had been to something really, really bad happening. Eventually, Billy inclined his head downwards and pressed his lips to John's in a kiss that started out as chaste, but quickly grew hot and eager. Soon, they were scrambling to untie their trousers and then, Billy fisted both of them in one large hand. It was over quickly, having been without eachother for so long, and they exploded almost simultaneously, painting Billy's hand and the lower part of his shirt with their come. Billy pressed a sloppy kiss to John's temple as he wiped his hand off on his own shirt. John gave a breathless laugh and took a step backwards, scrubbing his hand across his face.

"I'm exhausted."

Billy reached out a hand to the other man.

"Let's go to bed."

For the first time in weeks, they both slept deep and dreamlessly that night. They were both lying in the same hammock, John lying comfortably on top of Billy like a human blanket, head tucked in beneath the much larger man's chin. John fell asleep almost instantly, but Billy lied awake for a while longer. He put his arms around the man on top of him and listened to the creaking of the ship. Eventually the soft creaking of the ship and the heat of John's body lulled him to sleep.


End file.
